About you
by an annie
Summary: Edward was not looking for a hookup, he was not interested at all. Yet somehow when he saw the opportunity he took it and now Bella couldn't stop thinking about him. Even though she knew it was nothing and that she should forget it, something about him made her want to be with him every time she saw him. Could she change his mind?
1. Chapter 1

Okay I hope people still read twilight fanfics because I have been wanting to write one ever since the movies ended and just now decided to do it. It also has to do with the fact that I'm not a great english writer so I apologize in advance. It's not my native language and my teacher used to tell me I sucked at writings. However, this story has been on my mind a lot so I decided to do something about it.

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 **Chapter 1: A party**

"I wish you could move in with us," Alice told me laying the back of her hand on my palm. I smiled with the satisfactory feeling of being wanted somewhere.

"I _could_ live with you, I just think I'm okay where I am right now."

On the corner of my eye Alice frowned. I knew she didn't understand it but she would accept it anyway. That was our way; sometimes we accepted each others quirky traits without debating much whether they made sense or not.

This — however — was the second time she had let that thought out of her mind, which meant that she truly meant it and when Alice _meant_ things it was a matter of time until it happened. _I knew it would happen._ Either she was exceedingly convincing or I was awfully willingly.

The truth was that at the moment I may have not looked like I was happy where I lived but I actually was. No one could ever complain about living with granny Mary, she was too good and too pure for someone to have negative thoughts about her. Yeah, she had kind of an old mind, with old ideas of how things should be done but still, she was very open to new forms. For example, she would have never divorced my grandfather, but she accepted it when Renée told her she was coming back home with me after splitting up with my dad. And my granny, she _loved_ Charlie. She used to say he was the best son in law she could have asked for.

My mom hated that. I think she did it because she didn't want to like my father. But the fact that my grandmother had accepted she was no longer with him didn't mean she was happy about it. Gran would go on and on about her recollection of moments, like how beautiful it was that time when he showed up to the house for their senior prom. She would bring these random memories on the table while we were having dinner and it would all end in a fight. My mom would go to her room and slam the door as if she was back at age sixteen. I would remain quiet, always.

Eventually, with the money Charlie passed, a loan, and some money she had saved from different jobs, we got a small apartment and moved out of granny's house.

It was in bad terms.

Initially my mom had intended to ask gran for money. My grandparents had always been sort of wealthy. Enough to travel around and still live comfortably. But my grandma, having lost my grandpa — her husband — a long time ago had accustomed herself to finally living with people again and she didn't want us to move. _I_ didn't want to move. It didn't matter to Renée because we ended up moving and she and grandma ended up not speaking to each other anymore.

I was not leaving with my mother anymore, though. I was back with my grandmother, which was good.

Alice, however, thought that I was murdering my social life. Like it haven't already been murdered.

I didn't mind leaving with her. At moments, when I momentarily worried about things like social life and my sex life I thought that maybe if I suddenly had interest in those, it might get a little complicated. I certainly couldn't bring a man to the house with my grandmother sleeping in the next room. This scenario explicitly came into my mind because Alice was the one who had thought of it. Because no, I wasn't thinking about sleeping with guys. Not when finally I was beginning a new life. There was so much more than that — I hoped.

Alice would come up with the next argument:

"You already started your new life. You moved out from your mother's house and started college four years ago, Bella."

So what if I was taking a little more time into inducing myself out there? I was an introvert person, I didn't see anything wrong with it and I knew neither did Alice. But she was always so excited to start _something_ new. I didn't know what. From the little things I knew about her back at her hometown, her life had changed a lot once she came to live to Washington. I still questioned myself how did someone like her ended up here and not somewhere like Los Angeles or New York. I never asked her, but I would make sure to ask her that once she stopped talking.

 _I'm such a bad friend. I'm not even listening._

"… But she didn't want to go. So I want you to come with me," was what I started to hear.

I turned my head to the right looking at her but she was staring at the ceiling. Both of us were laying on her bed with our heads resting on the mattress. I loved these times with Ali, they were quiet and she was tranquil. It's not that I didn't like her when she was her usual imperative self but it was also nice to just lay down and talk about nothing in particular.

"To go where?" I asked confused. I already didn't like the idea of having to go somewhere.

"To that welcome back party on Friday." I opened my eyes taken aback to hear the word party. Alice sat up looking at me with tired eyes. "Bella, where you even listening?"

"Yes." I lied smiling politely trying to get her to not get mad. Even if for us that was impossible. "What welcome back party?"

"See, you weren't." She sighed. "The guys invited us to a welcome back party for Emmett's brother who is returning back from I don't know where. Rosalie doesn't want to go, so I want you to come with me." _what?_

What she said had me so confused I had to sat up as well.

"Wait, what guys? who is Emmett?"

Alice was getting irritated, she rolled her eyes letting out an exasperated breath and then, just like it always happened, she ended up smiling instead of getting angry. I loved that about her, she was always so patient.

"Always with that pretty head in the clouds, Isabella Swan." Smiling sweetly Alice shook her head in resignation before sighting again and beginning to explain me everything in a more detailed course. "Okay so Emmett is that guy from Royce King's work," she said grimacing with antipathy at Rosalie's rich boyfriend name. She didn't like him. "We run into him yesterday at that coffee shop near that construction Rose always asks me to meet her because it's close to wear Royce works. She likes to go and visit him later. Anyway, this guy — Emmett, was there with a friend of him," She kept explaining. A smile spread across her lips and she looked to the ceiling again. "You have to meet that guy, Bella, he was so, so, so, so, so hot." She said while making little jumps on the bed. I couldn't help but smile.

"Alice, chill. So…" I told her impatiently wanting to hear what that had to do with me going somewhere with her.

"Rose was all like… well you know, moody like she always is," she said rolling her eyes. Yeah, I believe I was well acquainted with Rosalie's bad mood. "I asked them to come and sit with us and we talked a little until they mentioned Emmett's brother was coming back and they wanted to throw him a party. Emmett kind of asked Rose but his friend, Jasper, told me it would be really cool if I went as well." She squealed the final part grabbing my arm and tugging it.

I looked at her a little puzzled. I got it. She was invited to a party by a handsome guy. In what plan did she thought it would be okay to go with me? They obviously had invited her and Rosalie to go. Not her, Rosalie _and Bella._ Besides the fact that I wouldn't go to a welcome back party for someone who I didn't even know? _who does that?_ Oh wait, I knew…

"Well good luck with that," I told her leaning my back back on the bed. She frowned and looked at me crossing her arms.

"You have to come with me!" She exclaimed. I laughed while I shook my head because the simple idea of it was absurd.

"You can go with Rosalie. You always go with her to parties."

"Yeah but she doesn't want to go to this one." She said and by her tone I had the feeling that she also had said this to me before.

"Why?" I asked curiously. Rosalie might be sort of a rude and cold person but she never said no to going out with Alice — unless she was already going out with her also rude and cold boyfriend.

"She says Emmett is after her and it's pathetic because he knows she has a boyfriend, after all, Emmett works for him. Also, she doesn't want to be seen with pathetic people." I couldn't help but laugh again, that definitely sounded like Rosalie. "You should have seen her face when I asked them to sit with us. If looks could killed she would be charged with triple murder."

It was not as if I didn't like Rosalie. She never exactly gave me a chance to make me like her but I respected her, I could say I even admired her. I had the feeling she felt completely opposite towards me. Every time I was in a room with her I felt like she thought of me as Alice stupid shy best friend. The truth was that yeah, I was probably shy and a little stupid but she also intimidated me a lot.

When Alice introduced me to her, she was just Alice new roommate. Someone who I thought was going to be nice and sweet enough to tolerate leaving with someone like my best friend. I never expected to meet _Rosalie Hale_ , killer legs, body, and everything to be honest. Not only that, she was so sharp. Quick responses, didn't even waste and extra second on you. I wanted to make her like me but I didn't know how to do that with someone like her. I didn't even understand how was that she was looking for a roommate. She seemed to have a really successful career, a rich boyfriend, owner of numerous buildings on Seattle. I imagined her living alone in a Penthouse or with her boyfriend living like some sort of super power couple.

"So don't go." I finally replied to her shrugging. It was all I could think of and I knew she was not going to accept that as an answer.

"Bella, now you're just being mean." I rolled my eyes. I had a pretty obvious idea of how this was going to end and I was so _willingly_ going to fight it. "I dreamed of him you know," she commented laying back next to me again.

This time I sighed loudly and tiredly. "Not this again."

"Excuse you, it happened to be a very legitimate premonition."

Alice believed she could see the future and that her visions came in form of dreams. She told me that the week after we met she had a dream that informed her we were going to be best friends and that's why she decided to reach to me.

I wanted to believe her, I did. It was a nice way of achieving things. She thought that those things were to happen, so each action she made was towards achieving that goal she believed she saw in a vision. I wished I could see the future like she said she did.

Alice tugged my short sleeve indiscreetly before fake coughing.

"What was the dream about, oh great Alice?" I asked tiredly.

"So, we were going to that party but it was really far away, like in another state or something so we decided to go by horse. Mine was white with shiny hair. But because your horse was tired we had to leave them and take the bus. Neither of us had money so we had to call Rosalie who came on a _smart_ car, which we both know it's impossible because Rosalie hates that car. After she came she took us to the party which was in a house that looked exactly like yours but was painted in with the colors of the rainbow, gay power, you know." She said as if it was an obvious fact about the dream. "They were all there, and somehow, Oscar Isaac was there too, I don't know why.

"Anyway when I saw Jasper everything went quiet and I didn't even need to walk to him, It's like just by looking at him I was already next to him. I told him I had been waiting for him even though I had just arrived and he said he was sorry then we started to super make out, which is like normal make out but with that extra super to empower it."

 _What the fu…_

"Don't look at me like that, I know what I saw. This is going to happen," she said looking up and crossing her arms. I didn't even have the words to say something.

"We're going to meet Oscar Isaac?" I asked mockingly. She slapped my arm and I couldn't help but laugh. I was actually interested in meeting him more than going to the party.

It must have been some guy if she was so persistent on going. However, _I would fight this._ Alice had a way of persuading me to do stuff. I still haven't managed to know how she did it but I thought it had to do with the fact that when she presented her cases as to why we needed to do something, she would mention the greater good. Like, she would tell me it would make her happy, or it would make Rosalie happy — even though Rose didn't even care if I went to have a coffee with her or not — or it would change someone's life. Something that made me feel bad for saying no, so I would end up agreeing to whatever crazy thing she said we could do and then I would have to pay the consequences like getting lost in a club, having to deal with Rosalie's arrogant boyfriend or buying a fifty dollar dress from a stranger woman who donated half of her shop incomes to some creative named charity.

But to go to the party of some unknown dude who was the brother and friend of another two unknown dudes who knew Rosalie from her boyfriend's work? Yeah, okay…

Maybe it was my father's police instinct kicking in, but not only it was stupid it was also irresponsible. We didn't know these people, Alice had said Rose didn't like them and I was willing to go on Rosalie's side with this. So this guy who invited them kept going after her even though he knew she had a boyfriend? That was kind of an asshole move. True, the blonde almost-supernatural-beautiful woman didn't even like me — or anyone — but she might had something to hold against that guy.

And Alice was expecting me to go with her?

"Belly, I'm being serious. What if I never see this man again?"

"I can assure you, you can see him again without having to go to this party. I know you have your ways." She did. Sherlock Holmes didn't have a thing on Alice Brandon. "And no one is saying you are not going to go. I'm just saying I'm not going with you."

"Oh so you just expect me to drop by alone? To a stranger's party? I'm not an idiot, Bella." Oh my god. I looked at her raising an eyebrow. Was she serious right now? Didn't I just…? _Ugh._

I rolled off bed and placed my feet on the wooden floor. It was warm, since Alice and Rose had central heating in the building where they lived. I sighed before searching for my sneakers. Alice sat up.

"You're leaving? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. We don't have to go if you don't want to. I can try convincing Rose…" She trailed off. I let out a small breath tying my laces.

"No, it's okay. We can go." I said in a low voice. Part of me hoped she wouldn't have listened so we wouldn't have to go but if she was so excited about this — enough to try to convince Rosalie — then I could do this for her. After all, that's what friends where for, right?

And yeah, another third part thought that maybe this could be right for me. To try and work more on socializing and all that kind of crap, more like try to not drift further from people.

The thing was, going out made me a little scared. I had discovered a thing I hated about it. I liked drinking. Well, not actually drinking but what I felt when I drank. For someone as shy and introvert as I was, drinking alcohol relaxed the hell out of me. Made me more friendly and chatty, which was nice, but with my family's history… it scared me profoundly the fact that I found drinking to be an advantage for me. I didn't want it to be and I didn't want to resort to it.

It's not that I was afraid I was going to become an alcoholic but — well, _family_ history.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god," I heard Alice screaming before getting almost completely knocked out of bed with the hug that came from her strangling me with her skinny and small arms. "I love you so much Bella, you have no idea. I promise I won't leave your side and you won't get lost and we are going to have so much fun!" She squealed still holding me.

"Ali, I do really need to go. I promised gran I would be home by six." I said struggling to get her arms of off me.

"I can take you, I want to say hi to her." I turned back once her arms left my shoulders and looked at her incredulously.

"You just want an excuse to get invited for dinner." Alice laughed melodiously but didn't deny it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: The Welcome Back Brother**

"So where've you been, dude? you were supposed to be here a week ago," I heard my brother's voice from behind.

I didn't bother to look back because I knew that what he was saying was a lie. But Emmett was an idiot, he listened to what he wanted.

I had said I would be here in the next two weeks, probably the first one but depending on how the job ended. The job ended like shit so I had to take another week to solve everything and be able to disappear for a while without someone following and shooting the fuck out of me. Looking at myself right now and what was ahead of me, that alternative wasn't so bad.

"That's all you brought?" He asked again sitting down on the bed, he knew I wasn't going to answer the first question.

I wanted to be fucking alone…

"All I need."

"If you say so." He shrugged suddenly smiling. What the hell was going on with him?

I didn't say anything as I kept rummaging through my clothes in the black overused bag looking for the new phone I had bought. I finally gave up and tossed the thing on the floor. The fact that Emmett was staring at every fucking move I made didn't help.

"I'm not a damn mirror, stop looking at me like that," I grumbled. Ironically, his smile grew wider.

"How do you know I'm looking at you?"

 _Not this shit again._

Emmett was so childish.

I was supposed to say "Because I'm looking at you" and then he would answer "Then why are _you_ looking at _me_? _"_ Pathetic.

"Seriously what the hell is wrong with you today, man?" I asked glaring at his direction. I hadn't even been here for a whole day and I was already tired of him. Emmett shook his head slowly while his smile was still creeping out on his face.

"I just missed my little brother. I haven't seen you in like an year. Cut me some slack okay?"

Cutting him some slack was letting him hug me when we saw each other, because Emmett was a freaking hugger. Cutting him some slack was me letting him tell Esme and Carlisle I was in Olympia. Him smiling at me like I was a fucking burger at one of his favorite dining places, was really bothering me.

Yeah, I was back. _Get over it_.

I had to admit that up to some point the familiarity of feeling warm every time I saw Emmett was nice and somehow comforting. But his presence also reminded me of his parents, "our" parents, and I would suddenly feel heavy as if I had rocks inside of me and my heart was doing everything to stay calm but it was impossible until I would force myself to focus on something else, something to distract me. I guess that while I was away forgetting Esme and Carlisle was easier, I could always drink it off but here with a constant reminder it made me want to grab my things and get the hell out and away.

It really wasn't as bad as I made it seem. I was used to feeling guilty. Still Emmett's presence made me uneasy. The good thing about him — for him, I guess — was that he could win people really fast. He did it every time with me, that fucker.

He was an overall good person, someone I was definitely not used to. Yes, perhaps I was used to in here but I was not from here, I had been in other places before, places were people were shit. Fuck, I was one of them for what counted. The thing was Emmett also came from those places. Maybe his situation was not as fucked up as mine but he had been on the system, he had even been in another family before Esme and Carlisle. He even talked about it, as if we were his fucking therapists. I never talked about my shit. Emmett knew some stuff though. He was supposed to be my brother after all.

Not all anyway. I would never tell him all _._

He was not the only one playing nice around me. Jasper and Jacob were behaving like freaking old grannies, offering me food and rest. I think everybody was afraid I would disappear anytime soon. If they kept this gentle shit going on I was definitely going to.

I sensed I had forgotten people could be friendly. Jasper and Jacob were friends, of course they were going to be fucking friendly and nice. Jacob even offered me the spare room in his sister's house. She had moved to the city with her boyfriend or something like that. Whatever, the room was empty and I was too tired to decline an offer.

Emmett had offer the couch on his apartment too but then he warned me Esme usually came to visit and I told him to forget it as fast as I could. I think it hurt him a little but I was not about to feel sorry for the whole family thing. I was sure Jake's place was a lot less than Emmett's. My _brother_ was an architect, had his own fancy apartment down in Seattle. Jasper told me it was another level. Jake's place was cool though, I wasn't complaining. It just was really fucking far from everything, in the middle of the road. I almost got lost finding it.

I liked it a lot to be honest. It was a house in the middle of nowhere and quiet as fuck. The house itself was old, Jake said it belonged to one of his aunts before she gave it to his sister. And when he left Tacoma to go to Seattle he had no money so he ended up with her. I really didn't care about the details, I just was cool with the idea of having a room, private space and shit.

Jake was also the chillest person ever so that was another point. But though he was no Emmett — no questions asked, no expectations — I did feel like I had to work hard to be cool with him. He was sort of my best buddy, or used to be. I didn't know anymore. In his place I would have thrown my sorry ass down the stairs of the porch.

He didn't.

Jake treated me the same way he always did since we used to spend almost everyday hanging out when we were young.

It wasn't as if Em shouldn't have expectations on me either. He knew better than to have them but he also believed I was his brother. And for most of the time I did too. Which I hated because it made me feel like I owed him something for being such a shitty sibling. After it I would get really fucking tired of myself and how I always needed to stay out of the family issue. I should get over it, it was nice to have someone. I didn't need Esme or Carlisle but from all _that_ , Emmett happened and I did not complain about him. It was the only good thing that came from all that family making attempt.

"So I assume you're free on Friday night, right?" Emmett asked me. I narrowed my eyes and then looked at him questioningly.

"No. Why? No," I said before he could say something. He rolled his eyes and sighed.

"You don't even know what I'm going to say. The guys and I decided to have some people over. A little welcome back party for you." _For me?_

No really, for me?

He had to be kidding me if he thought I would believe that. I fucking hated parties, he knew that.

"No thanks." I turned around facing the door. I needed a shower.

"Come on, man. It will be fun. Lots of women," he said waggling his eyebrows. Like I cared…

The last thing I needed right now was that. A party and a fucking drunk chick in my business trying to get it on with me. No fucking way.

I wanted peace. Washington was supposed to be nice and quiet.

"Emmett, do whatever the fuck you want. Just — don't expect me to sit down and play social." I said before leaving the room.

Jacob's place looked much older from the outside than from the inside. When I arrived I saw he had some paint cans on a corner of the porch stairs. He said they were to paint the house on summer but we were already in autumn. On the inside it was a lot better, it definitely had that I don't give a fuck vibe with the different style furniture. Neither of the chairs of the kitchen or the armchairs in the living room matched. Nothing was missing though. It was a house with all the letters and I think it had to do more with Jacob's sister than with him.

It was a two-story house, the rooms were upstairs. Though I was fucking glad the house was outside Olympia, I had noticed at night it turned really dark. Jacob had turn all the lights. I didn't care if the house was dim but Jake was like fucking scared of it or something. I didn't complain though, I wasn't paying for that and I wasn't intending to stay long enough to feel like I should.

I had enough money to lay low for a while before having to pick another job from Aro. I was hoping something better would appear though because I fucking hated that guy and everything involving him. Long haired idiot with stupid lackeys who followed him everywhere around.

He did pay well, I would give him that but as a person — he was disgusting. It was not like I could expect something more from a drug dealer. It also wasn't as if I had personally met him. I didn't, I wasn't that important. But you heard stories from others. Five drinks would get Felix to confess the most weird shit about our boss. From where I stood, I was okay if I never met him.

As I thought about leaving Aro and finding a decent job for once I had to stop worrying and properly enjoy because this house's shower had to be one of the best fucking places I've ever been. It was not big, just a normal shower with a white chipped tub but it had an amazing water fluidity. I even laughed to myself because I had to be the only fucking idiot who thought about that. I didn't care about things like that, _I didn't,_ but it was also the fact that the water could go warmer than any other shower I had step into. I liked it really warm, almost burning. After it Jake gave me shit for steaming the whole place but I took it like I took everything that came from him, especially when he said things smiling.

Esme used to give me shit for the shower steam too. She said it looked like I was showering with boiling water, that I was almost burning myself. Being younger my skin would turn almost red after. I didn't know if it was that or the fact that I could ruin the bathroom walls. I honestly didn't give a fuck. I learned better than to take something from them. They would expect shit after it. Oh, Edward, you shower in our house? Now we need emotional reward, have dinner with us and tell us why are you so fucked up.

Emmett was all into that. First few months we were there he told Esme and Carlisle everything. I don't think he did it on purpose though. He also used to tell me everything to me, even if I didn't want to hear any of it. I was four years younger than him but he treated me like we were the same.

I remember I asked him once why did he do it. We were kids, I was twelve and he was seventeen.

Emmett shrugged. He stared down at his new sneakers — Esme's expensive treat — and answered. "I don't know. I don't have shit to hide, y'know?" I didn't understand. Nobody was expecting him to hide stuff, but the way he said it… I guess it was because he thought I was hiding shit. I was.

By then Emmett was scary. Even worse then than now. He was tall and big, and was into sports so he was also damn athletic. But because he was also a teenager he was clumsy as fuck as well. How did Esme and Carlisle got into adopting such person? I don't even know. It sounded like a big foster care fantasy.

That person was really different than the one who had been in my room.

 _A fucking architect._

I bet he wore shirts to work and shit. It honestly made me depressed. When we where back in the Cullen's house we were both the same. He behaved better but we still came from the same place. Looking back at it and comparing it with how we were now, he had parents, a life, a career, shit, I never asked him but maybe he even got a girl. He was really good with women. _I was sounding so jealous_. I don't know, maybe I was. It didn't matter though. I would have never found myself living Emmett's life and I had the feeling that even if I had I would still feel like I felt now.

Because my brother was freaking nice and a generally good person, he was also social as fuck. It was another difference between us. He liked people, I didn't, at all. Back when I was twelve, he used to invite a fucking lot of people to the Cullen's house. The fucker loved to party hard. That's why when he told me about a welcome back whatever I didn't fall for it. Nobody cared that I was back. Sure, they sounded excited but that was because we hadn't seen each other in a while, I was sure next week — even less — they would all be back to their business and leaving me alone and I was absolutely fine with it, I was _waiting_ for it.

"I wouldn't worry about it, man," said Jasper sipping a beer. Jacob had told me Jasper would spent a lot of time in the house. I was surprised to hear that but didn't show it, I didn't really care either.

Jazz was cool. He — like Jake — was a chill person to be around. Also, quiet as fuck.

Jasper was one of the people I had met after moving with the Cullen's. He was my age but back then he looked much older. Not physically but just everything about him, the way he talked, the way he payed attention to things me and Jake didn't notice or care about. He never behaved like most kids our age. First time I saw him, we were twelve and he was trying to light a cigarette.

We didn't become friends, not at first. He was mostly into minding his own business and getting high, and I was more into fucking shit up. I was a magnet for trouble even if I wasn't looking for it. Sometimes we would meet outside and we would walk silently for a while before waving his hand and disappearing in the streets. And sometimes he liked to follow me and Jacob around for a while as well.

When we were older, we went to Florida together for a while. At my twenties I was more pleased with his quietness but also his comments. It's like he knew when I wanted to talk and when I didn't. He knew how to read me, which scared the shit out of me because I never expected him to knew me so well.

"I'm not worrying about it, I'm just pissed."

I thought I wasn't, I could just ignore everyone but the fact that I was going to have to deal with a bunch of strangers here on my first week was not okay. I also didn't want to actually complain about it because this wasn't even my house and Jake was totally into this as much as Emmett was.

"You would be more pissed if you knew why your brother is doing this," he said smiling wickedly. Did I even want to know?

 _Well, I wanted now._

"What? Why?" I asked eyeing him narrowly from the other side of the old brown couch. Jasper's mouth pulled into another silent smile, almost laughing, and stared at the bottle in his hands before taking another gulp.

"A girl." Jazz said emphasizing the last word, his southern accent quite present.

 _Un - fucking - believable._ At least I knew in what current situation was the idiot standing.

"Go figure." I said sarcastically. Jasper laughed calmly.

"Worst thing is she probably not even gonna show up… a pity, her lil' friend was hot." Jazz said softly, slightly shaking his head.

For a good long second I was tempted to ask him about who was this chick but then decided against it. That would seem like I cared and in all honesty, the less I knew the better. Next thing, I could be getting involved in it and I didn't want that.

I knew I was being an asshole. I mean, I was being my usual self but around them I felt like a complete asshole. Showing up out of nowhere, asking for a place to stay and not offering nothing in exchange. But I had told myself that as long as they would allow me to keep doing it, I was going to continue. It wasn't as if I haven't done anything. I told Jake I could take care of the money for the food and stuff. Jacob would never deny me that because he wasn't big for money. He wasn't a good person about it and he wasn't a bad one either. If they offered he accepted, if they didn't he wouldn't complain. If they asked for it he would give it and if they didn't return it he wouldn't go after it. He just wanted to be able to pay the basic needs and good beer. Because Jake was all about the good beer.

When I was a kid it was more visible to understand why we were best friends but now it seemed fucking hard. He was similar to Emmett, friendly, lazy but overall a really freaking good person. Maybe that's why he kept considering me his best friend. He didn't even see me for most part of the year, didn't know where I lived, didn't know what was my work and he still kept calling me his best friend like some sort of childhood pact. It was stupid but fuck it, deep inside, I think I liked it.

Over the week I spent my time doing nothing. I was so fucking bored I even decided to go with Jacob to buy food to the market over the city. I'd been there a few times but not many to remember where everything was so I gave Jacob the keys of the pickup since it would be more easier to carry things. Plus Jacob took the liberty of buying more alcohol for his little party on Friday.

"You paying, right?" He asked me before grabbing the bottles. I rolled my eyes and his smiled grew bigger showing his big ass white teeth. "Awesome."

On Tuesday, Emmett ended up convincing me to meet for lunch near where he worked over Seattle which I firstly complained because since I was taking a break, I would wake up at lunch time or some time after two. It had to do with the fact that I was used to staying up at night before coming here. Now that I wasn't doing shit, I would stay up looking at the ceiling, jacking off or smoking outside on the porch.

Jasper came during Wednesday but he wasn't big on doing much either. We spent the day almost saying nothing, chilling outside until it was cold enough to go inside and when Jacob came from work, decided what to eat. It was easy to get used to being around them again. Even though we haven't seem each other for a while they still knew pretty much everything I didn't like or that bothered me. Jake still knew what to say to piss me off so he could laugh about it and I still knew which things hurt him the most and had to control myself of saying to not fuck shit up.

By the time it was Friday Emmett and him were bringing more bottles that got me into thinking just how many people where going to show up. They even brought speakers that Jake had borrowed from one of his buddies from work. And I had to just play cool and watch how they were going to ruin my night. I didn't have big plans, I just wanted _peace_.

Besides, what the fuck was up with Emmett? Douchebag should probably be making babies or shit instead of throwing a party like a twenty year old idiot. He was an _architect._ Was his life that boring that he had to resort to a "welcome back" party for his foster brother who clearly hated parties? Fucker.

I was debating wether this chick Jasper had told me about had some sort of super pussy or something for doing all this shit. It also didn't escape me the fact that he hadn't even mentioned her, which for someone who was open about fucking everything meant that he really didn't want me to know about it.

It was probably ten when people started showing up. Even though at first they had asked me to stay and I had tried to, an hour passed before I had close myself in my room and ended up in the bed, covering my eyes with one of my arms battling a headache.

I thought about leaving.

I could leave, grab the car and drive around the city or head over to Seattle. Emmett could even get pissed if he wanted, I could fucking care less about Emmett's feeling at the moment.

My window was open and I could hear people knocking at the door and laughter, a lot of laughter.

I hated parties. Mostly because everyone acted like an idiot. It bothered me the fact that people wanted to go to spend time with strangers. I mean, it was great for finding someone to nail but I was not looking for that at the moment. I told myself I needed to be alone and it was true. It was not the idea of sex, I was always in for sex, I was a guy. But to have to look for someone to fuck, have to _talk_ to that person, get them into the idea of screwing, having to do the after sex thing with them — I didn't want deal with that. I had dealt with that and I was so fucking tired.

It was really late when I heard someone knocking at my door.

 _Great._

"No." I just yelled thinking that if it was someone I didn't know they would walk away and if it was one of the guys they would know better that to come and bother me.

Just leave me the fuck alone, it was all I asked.

The door opened anyway and I couldn't even bother to see who it was.

"Sorry!" A female voice made me hastily look up, my eyes still trying to focus since I had been pressing my arm over them. "I was looking for the bathroom."

I was going to say there was a bathroom downstairs. I thought Jacob made it clear that he didn't want anybody upstairs. There was black duct tape at the beginning of the stairs to stop someone from going up. Earlier that night, when he was putting it I thought it was a stupid idea, now I had proved it.

This girl though, she didn't even let me tell her because she closed the door immediately. The mention of bathroom made me want to stand up. When I came out, she was already gone. I entered the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror trying to figure out how even though I had been sleeping like a fucking king I was still sporting dark circles under my eyes. I looked fucking sick under the white light of the bathroom.

The music was loudly playing downstairs, some electronic shit that made my head beat brutally.

I washed my face trying to think of what do next. I couldn't stay there. I was beginning to loose my mind trying to stay in my room. I needed space and air, more than what the window could provide. I went back to the bedroom, grabbed a worn jacket and the pickup keys and went out. Just when I was going down the stairs I heard my name being loudly yelled.

 _Jesus Fucking Christ…_

I first thought it was Emmett and I was internally cursing since he was a pain in the ass when he was drunk.

It turned out to be Jasper. He was wearing a fucking Hawaiian shirt and had a lazy smile on his face. As if he was stoned or just plain stupid, could be both. He was also next to two girls and I couldn't possibly confirm but I think one of them was the one who knocked on my door.

Awesome…

"Hey dude, you came down." Jasper said while putting a hand on my shoulder. I stared at the hand and then at him making it clear I was not in the mood for social games. But Jasper knew me and he knew that, he was clearly pressing my buttons just for fun.

"I'm heading out." I said plainly.

"Out of your own party?" I heard one of the girls saying with a shrill tone.

I stared at her bluntly. She had some weird hair cut that actually looked kind of okay on her and big eyes that almost looked black. She was also tiny. Kind of short, but the fact that she was also really thin made her look shorter and smaller.

I didn't say anything which I think made Jasper believe that I wanted to know who this person was. I really didn't. "Ed, these are Alice, Bella and…" His eyes looked around looking for the third person he was going to name and the black haired short girl looked around as well. The other one was staring at me with curiosity making me feel awkward. _Yeah, it was me the guy you fucking bothered upstairs._

"I'm gonna look for her outside." Alice — I think it was Alice, or maybe she was Bella and the bathroom girl was Alice — said to her friend, heading on the direction of the front door.

Jasper looked at the other girl with a doubting expression, I thought he was debating wether to leave her there with me, but when he looked back at the one who had walked away, he said, "I'll… I'll be right back. Alice wait…" I stood there not knowing what to do until I remembered I was leaving. _Right, I'm getting the fuck out of here._

"Sorry again for entering your room. I didn't mean it," I heard her saying sort of shyly. I turned around again looking at her, confused.

Huh…we were having a conversation now?

I looked away don't knowing what to say or do. Why was she talking to me?

"There was a bathroom downstairs." I simply said. Wanting to turn around and leave.

"Oh… yeah I know. It's just Jasper told me I could go to the one upstairs. Someone threw up in the other one." She explained.

I stared at her paying attention for the first time. She was young, probably eighteen? I don't know, she looked like eighteen. Brown wavy hair and scared as fuck complex on her face. Big eyes and small nose. Her hands were together, tangling her fingers nervously. She didn't look drunk but more like anxious. As if she was expecting me to smile at her and tell her something nice.

I wasn't going to answer and simply turned around again but she opened her mouth _again_.

For fuck's sakes, shut up _._

"Hey… so you're Edward?" She asked timidly. She had to sense I was not interested in talking whatsoever. Her expression showed she didn't seem to notice my state. She did look nervous. Why was she trying to chat with me then?

"Yeah" I answered quickly glancing back at the door.

I couldn't recognize anyone here. I couldn't even spot Jake or my brother, which was a good thing I guess. Only unknown faces, laughing while drinking. The music sounded a lot louder down here though not enough so I could be able to hear what the bathroom girl in front of had said before or the conversation that was going on behind me.

I looked back at her. She opened her mouth and a smiled spread across her lips "Welcome back!" she exclaimed happily. What?

 _What?_

 _What the fuck._

I sighed loudly giving up on fucking everyone on earth and walked away leaving her in the middle of the house. I only hoped they all were gone when I came back.

* * *

Yeah? no? whatever?

So, Edward is kinda... well I'll let you decide...

I'd love your review

Annie


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3: Something.**_

I was officially giving up on my social interaction skills. Alice would have to face it, I wasn't one for making friends. Sure, I had tried to make friends with someone who appeared to be an asshole. Yet I thought my irony was going to be welcomed. Instead, I was taken as another stupid person coming to this stupid party. I decided I was going to blame it all on Alice.

Usually when I made these idiotic attempts at socializing, most of those moments would stay engraved on my mind for when I had to go to sleep and my brain wanted me to remember all those embarrassing moments in my life. I was sure this conversation I just had was going to be prioritized tonight.

I failed at maintaining a conversation. I had gotten bored of what they were talking about. Rosalie — who had miraculously agreed to come with us — was not in a good mood and I was not brave enough to talk to her at the moment, not when her eyes almost had little skulls on them. I then tried going to the bathroom… I wasn't able to do a simple task like that. I didn't even needed to go, it was just an excuse to not stand there watching Alice and Jasper _energetically_ flirting while Rosalie went outside to talk on the phone every half an hour. She didn't tell Royce she was coming here and it strongly intrigued me what his reaction would be if he knew.

When I found the bathroom and opened the door after knocking I found out someone had already thrown up. It looked like they had tried to get to the sink but ended up throwing up on the floor instead. I quickly closed the door containing my breath because of the horrible smell

We hadn't been here for more than two hours and someone was already that drunk.

I decided to woman up and tell someone about it, not randomly, I started searching for the responsible of the party. Emmett was nowhere to be found. That other guy, Jacob — I think it was — was also M.I.A and the only person present who seemed to be having a lot of sexual tension fun with my best friend, was Jasper. In certain way I was relieved I asked him because Alice being next to us was a good social support.

It wasn't as if I couldn't talk to guys. I could actually be really nice and polite. It was more about talking to people I didn't know. I never knew what to say or how to act around them.

Jasper told me there was a bathroom upstairs. "You can use that one. Cross the black tape, don't worry about it." He said kindly. It made me like him a little more.

Alice was right, Jasper was nice — and handsome. He was totally not Alice's type though. Or at least what I had thought her type would be. Instead, he was this weird sort of indie guy wearing some ripped jeans with a ridiculous colorful Hawaiian shirt and a cigarette behind his ear. Honey colored eyes that almost matched the color of his wavy kind of long hair. He also had a lazy smile splattered on his face that made me think he was someone who knew more about life that any other person in this house, me and my friends included.

After I went upstairs, not being able to see much because the lights were off I forgot I hadn't ask which door was the one I was looking for. At this point I had almost forgotten the fact that I actually didn't need to go to the bathroom in the first place and was just looking for it for the sake of doing something.

I chose the first door trying to think logically. My theory was that because it was the closest to the stairs it had to be the bathroom. I didn't really know why and what was the explanation that supported that theory I had used but I couldn't think about it because as soon as I opened it I found out it was the wrong door.

 _Abort mission._

It was a bedroom and not a bathroom but also, there was a man laying on the bed — A man who surely knew where the toilet was — I apologized timidly and rapidly closed the door.

I saw this man again when he came down the stairs once I was back with Alice and Jasper. At first I wasn't paying attention, I was too busy trying to remember in which direction Rosalie had left hurriedly and meanwhile I was glancing around to see what the other people were doing. There was a blonde girl who was taking pictures and next to her, her friend with funny looking glasses was taking off her heels. A couple was making out on the couch while two other guys made shots next to them.

I felt so unfamiliar with everything around me.

I almost jumped when Jasper yelled at someone but had been too distracted to hear what he had actually said and when I followed his gaze I recognized the person he had yelled at. He had messy hair and was wearing some dark jeans, a hoodie and an old looking dark brown jacket. His stare informed me he was definitely not in the mood for partying and I could so relate to that sentiment. Jasper had told us that this was Jacob's house, the third friend. Supposedly, Emmett's brother was staying here and if this guy had a room in the house it meant that maybe he was the Welcome Back brother. Was he Edward?

If that happened to be the case, _holy stars,_ Edward was freaking attractive. I had never been one for paying too much attention to men because they usually didn't pay attention to me but I did admit that some of them did leave an impression and this one certainly did. Like when you can't clearly see if someone is pretty or not but there is definitely something that makes them attractive. Some sort of vibe you get on just seconds.

Suddenly I wanted to talk to him.

 _Me,_ talk to a guy.

After Alice made a comment about him leaving his own party and me wanting to smack her on the back of her pretty little head for being rude, Jasper introduced us. He was just about to name Rose when both of them finally realized that she was gone.

Alice looked at me making me understand that she wanted me to stay on the spot while she went outside to look for her and I felt my heartbeat accelerating for the fact that I didn't want to be left alone. Jasper was cool but I didn't feel like starting a whole conversation with him alone.

I thought about going with her but Jasper was faster and went after Alice leaving me in front of Edward. Though we weren't alone because they were a lot of people and noice surrounding us I felt as if an awkward stillness had set up silencing the whole house. So I decided to do one of the things I did best when I was nervous, ramble.

I apologized again for entering to his room and he told me there was a bathroom downstairs. It also happened he was not being nice and that made me feel like I was not being polite enough. Not casual enough or normal enough. I thought of Angela Webber, a girl who shared most of my classes at college and how, even though she looked as shy as me, she was always nice and cool with everyone who talked to her. How she would act casual and made perfect presentations without mumbling, hesitating or rambling incoherently about stupid things.

"Hey, so you're Edward?" I had asked suddenly. I put up a smile trying to play it casual. I was twenty one year-old normal Bella now. Super chill and all. He looked away for a second as if he was annoyed already. Yep, not working.

"Yeah" he answered, his voice sounding raspy. He looked back at where Alice and Jasper had left. _Okay, I get it, I want them back too._

"Welcome back!" I said with fake enthusiasm, but still trying to be friendly.

It was supposed to be ironic, because I didn't know him at all and yet I was at his 'welcome back' party, which was very obvious that it was just an excuse Emmett and his friends had used to gather some people around and have fun. However it must had come out as if I was genuinely welcoming him even though he didn't know who the hell I was.

He stared at me like I had just said the most freaky thing ever and sighed loudly scaring me a little. Giving me a final annoyed stare he turned around and left. I watched him walk up to the front door and disappear.

 _Great social skills, Bella!_

I covered my face with both hands embarrassed before rolling my eyes at myself and deciding to go after Rosalie and Alice.

So yeah, I was an idiot and I was giving up on trying to be social with guys. I did not have it in me.

The worst part was that it might have been the best interaction I could give to someone like him. I didn't understand what I had done wrong. Of course, it could always be him. Perhaps he wasn't in a good mood. He plainly didn't look like he was. And something should have rang a bell when he confirmed he was indeed Emmett's brother. Though this party was supposed to be for him he had been sleeping in his room upstairs, and now he was leaving? If Alice would have thrown me a party and I was somewhere else that was not on her side, greeting everyone she would have been so mad. Or not, Alice and I didn't know how to get mad with each other but she obviously would have been disappointed. Besides, Ali knew better that to throw me a party, she knew I didn't like them that much.

So it may had not been me.

Maybe he was just a douchebag. A very attractive douchebag with messy hair. Why did I even talk to him? What was my train of thought at the moment that made me think it was a good idea to approach him?

I had to admit it, I was bit proud of myself for that one. I never in my life would have talked to a guy without being talked to first. It was not because of some strange behavior as a woman, I simply wasn't the type of person to get a guy to keep a conversation going with me. Or a girl… i was not sexist in the matter.

Once we were in the car, Rose and I were waiting for Alice who was talking to Jasper. I was happy for her, even if she had been a pain in the ass for forcing me and Rosalie to come with her. It was amazing how sometimes she could get her way with what she wanted.

Rose had been quiet the whole time and I was pretty sure she was not having such positive thoughts about Alice like I was.

"It wasn't that bad," I said casually. In reality, I hadn't have a great time either.

Rose gave me a sharp stare with narrowed eyes.

"Emmett seemed nice." I pushed a little further. I was confident she was going to send me another terrifying look.

To be honest, I didn't have that much chance of talking to Emmett. He was the one who opened the door when we arrived and his eyes went big like plates. He was definitely not expecting us to show up, not expecting _Rosalie_ to show up. He tried to play it cool though, his posture and eyes quickly relaxed as he stretched a big smile. Emmett Cullen was a giant. I was certain about it. Certainly bigger than Royce King…

I was intimidated for some seconds until he greeted us with a friendly tone. I couldn't help but think that maybe he was trying a lot to appear casual and not that interested in Rosalie but I could possibly just be reading between the lines too hard. If Alice hadn't told me he was interested in Rose maybe I wouldn't even have noticed it. Ali didn't seem to care. It was funny to see her next to such a big guy. They were completely opposites.

"This is Bella, by the way, our best friend," Alice had told him when we arrived. Emmett's smile set upon his lips once again. He was cute, I guess. Perhaps too smiley for Rosalie. I smiled too.

"Bella… that's Italian, right?" He had asked. I nodded awkwardly. "That's cool, suits you. Very nice to meet you." He said and I couldn't help but blush. _Damn it,_ I hated blushing.

"Nice to meet you too." I ended up saying.

That was almost the last time I saw Emmett — or at least talked to him — until we left. I just said good bye and thank you, even though I didn't know what I was thanking him for. Just being the goody two shoes Rosalie and Alice would always say I was I guess.

By then he was a little bit too drunk. He said something about hanging out and Alice clapped her hands and agreed excitedly. It didn't escape the fact that he was staring at Rosalie when he said that, far from the beginning when he was just trying to play it casual. Rose completely ignored him and started walking to her car.

Jasper joked about Edward being the soul of the party and everybody laughed. I was trying to forget about that embarrassing moment so I said goodbye and went after Rose. I didn't understand why she was so mad. She had decided to come to the party and up to the beginning when we were driving here she actually seemed all right about it. She even dressed up and lent me that dark red "Cherry Bomb" lipstick I loved, I took it as a bonding experience for us.

Once Alice entered the car, this time on the back seat, we left the place.

An overwhelming sensation of calmness went through my body and mind. I couldn't think of another thing but the dark background behind the car's glass window. I hadn't notice until I started looking at the tree tops moving slightly with the wind that I was extremely tired. Alice had to shake me a little when we arrived at my gran's place. I left promising I would come by later on Saturday so we could do study session.

Grandma Mary was already asleep when I arrived, obviously. She had left me a piece of banana bread protected in plastic wrap. I ate it in silent with the kitchen lights off feeling somewhat strange. I suspected it had to do with the party and everything that happened there. Every time I found myself back in safe place I would feel as if I was out of my own body and I would watch myself in the memories doing things I knew I had done but still felt quite alienated and unsure about them.

This time that didn't happen.

I was hoping it would. That my brain would try to make me remember that tedious small talk I had with the guy with messy hair and I would feel bizarrely out of my own body, shrieking while watching how I attempted to had a conversation with someone who, now that I clearly thought so, was out of my league.

I didn't regret it though. Looking back at it, that person who talked to him was beyond doubt me and I could easily relate to her and not feel estranged, as if someone had taken over my body. Maybe that's why I felt so weird. I still couldn't wrap my mind as to if it was something good or something bad. Definitely different. I wanted to think it was good because it had made me want to get out of my constant bubble.

I would be really wary when I found myself in this type of situations. I never felt comfortable around new people. I remember the night I met Alice how I almost freaked out at how nervous she made me feel. Not just because I had figured out she was really nice and interesting and I wanted her to like me but also because she seemed to expect something more from me and I was such a quiet person around people I didn't know. I could remember hoping with all my strength that she would understand that I was an introvert and that I needed a little warming up.

Even more, I wanted her to be interested enough to keep hanging out with me so she could see that behind the whole shyness that was my persona I actually was someone worthy. I wanted to believe I was.

And even being cautious tonight I couldn't understand what had compelled me to go after _him_ like that. I was completely certain I was exaggerating. I knew that to normal eyes it would appear to be a normal conversation with someone who was not really into it and someone who seemed to be into it a little bit too much. But for me it felt ten times worse.

That Saturday me and Alice spent the time in her bed doing college stuff. She was reading a script her professor had gave her and I was starting one of my papers that had to be handed in two weeks. I was happy and relieved that for once I was maintaining good timing with everything regarding college.

While we were doing our own things we would occasionally talk about the party. She told me she got Jasper's number and that she was waiting until Monday to text him. I stared at her curiously because I understood the fact that if she texted him now she would come off as a little bit intense, but if she was feeling like it, why couldn't she do it? A simple text telling him she had fun was nothing excessive. Besides, Alice's whole personality was intense.

We also talked about Rosalie and her mood swings throughout the night. She believed her blonde friend was frustrated.

"I think she was expecting Emmett to stick with us the whole evening but he didn't even talk to her," she said turning the page of her script. She glanced my way to check I was listening.

"It doesn't make sense. You told me she didn't like him, why would she be mad because he was not with her?" I asked naively. Alice raised an eyebrow and stared at me as if it was obvious. I knew what she was suggesting but that was so not like Rosalie Hale. She didn't look like someone who liked to play games, she was always straight forward.

"It's like when you don't want to play with the ball but as soon as someone starts playing with it, you want it." she explained. "Rose was used to having Emmett behind her back always and she was expecting him to be that way but he was all over the place, flirting with everyone and being nice. She didn't like that."

I drifted my sight to the quilt under us, thinking of what Alice had said. This was exactly the reason I wasn't interested in being with anyone. The whole complication of it terrified me. Why was it so hard? He should have stopped bothering her as soon as she made it clear she wasn't interested. Even if she didn't say it with words I knew Rosalie could make things understandable with just one look. And she shouldn't be mad that he had been flirting with other people. Wasn't it what she wanted? To get him of her back?

If I ever wanted something with someone I would make sure things stayed simple. No games or puzzles, just the truth. Why couldn't I like you, you like me be enough?

"Do you think she likes him?" I asked Alice with a smile. She gave me the same one I had on my lips because the idea of Rosalie breaking up with Royce seemed exciting.

But I also knew she was one stubborn woman. She had said no to Emmett which meant that _if_ she happened to feel something for him, whatever attraction it was, her pride was going to stand in the way.

I was in no position to comment about Rosalie's boyfriend. I had met Royce King only once but he had struck me as someone who wasn't interested in meeting me or Alice at all. He thought too much of himself and made me feel like I should be thankful to be in his presence. A business man like him had a lot to do, blah, blah.

I get that he must have thought of me and Alice as kids. I didn't even know what I was doing there and the first thing I thought when I saw him was that I shouldn't have been dragged by my best friend to that coffee store where the couple was just because Alice didn't want to meet him alone.

She hated him and thought he treated Rosalie like a piece of furniture. He did gave me the feeling that someone like him — a thirty something good looking guy with an ambitious brain and a big wallet — needed someone as beautiful as Rose on his arms. Something to show off what his money could get or some manly and sexist thing like that. Alice, however, didn't notice the fact that Rosalie didn't really care.

I mean sure, Rosalie deserved someone better, someone who could appreciate her. But she was smart, the I'm-better-than-you-and-also-smarter type of smart. I think she knew what someone like her boyfriend was after. That's why I thought she didn't mind.

Alice and I kept doing what we were doing until it was dark and I was out of words for my paper. I stretched out feeling how tense my muscles were. My entire body seemed to scream for a hot shower and a warm homemade dinner. I took my phone and checked the time deciding it was better if I went home now. If I stayed a little longer I would probably end up sleeping here and having to cook for Alice and maybe Rosalie, if she didn't have plans already. I wouldn't mind cooking for them, it was something I actually enjoyed doing but I also wanted to see gran, unless she had plans with her book club or her tennis class buddies.

It was already night when I arrived home. The lights were on and the kitchen emanated a sweet scent that I rapidly recognized as my favorite, apple pie. I surprised my gran by kissing her on the cheek.

"Dear God, Bella." She exclaimed taking one hand to her chest. "You do remember I'm old right? I could have a heart attack." She complained, but I knew she really didn't mean it. I smiled at her and looked at what she was carrying.

"I love apple pie."

"I know you do, sweetie. That's why I made it." Gran laughed and I smiled rolling my eyes at her smartass comment. "How did the evening with Alice go? Did she liked the banana bread?" She asked me, walking towards the kitchen table and leaving the pie there.

I shrugged. "You know Alice, she likes everything you cook. The evening was nice, peaceful."

"That's good, right?" She asked not sure if I was being positive about it or not. I smiled again.

"Perfect."

After I had a shamelessly long shower, we had dinner. She told me about what book they were reading in her club and I told her about my plans for the week. I wanted to look for a job. Granny kept telling me it was not necessary, except for me it was. In less than a year I was going to finish my degree and going to start the TPP (Teacher Preparation Program.) Meanwhile, I needed to feel like I wasn't wasting my time. Of course, because I was my grandma's little girl, she didn't see it like that. I, who saw others my age already paying for taxes, wanted to feel that I could take control over at least a small part of my life.

I was already taking so much of her and she never complained. I could imagine it was not easy to have to raise me when it wasn't even her job to do it in the first place. I knew I was not a burden for my grandmother but sometimes I imagined all the places she could travel if I wasn't around and if she didn't feel like she was responsible for me.

Mary liked to travel, a lot. Sometimes after dinner I would suggest her to go back to the travel albums she had. We would spent Saturday or Sunday nights with a little bit of those swing songs she loved so much and visiting Italy, Spain, England or Egypt through the pictures she had taken. Maybe that would wake something in her.

She talked about such memories with so much excitement that although it made me feel warm inside it also made me want to pack her bags and tell her to go and keep exploring the world. If I would suggest such thing she would always come up with the age card. She was old, she didn't have the same energy as before, blah, blah, blah. I knew my grandma, she was strong as hell and sometimes even more energetic than Alice.

I don't know, I guess that such an adventurous soul living in Olympia, Washington seemed like a waste to me.

Sunday was spent in grocery shopping, finishing my paper and cleaning the house. I talked to Alice at night and we discussed what she should write to Jasper in the morning. I just told her to be herself and text whatever the hell she wanted.

To be honest, it was weird to see Alice so interested in a guy. I mean, I knew she liked them. Since I had met her four years ago she had been with a few guys here and there. Nothing serious, only one night stands. She would be really explicit about the details for my disadvantage. But boys were not really an important part in our friendship. Neither of us went looking for them. I had my being shy and easily intimidated reasons and she had her high school traumas still pretty alive sometimes. She went to therapy for those.

She tried not push the matter of men but it was impossible because she was a natural pusher. Alice liked knowing everything about people. It was, in part, why I was surprised that she was being so careful with Jasper, waiting two days to text him and all that. I could relate with her up to certain point because I was also a really curious person, except I had more tact about it. Alice on the other hand, didn't seem to care if she came off as meddlesome. She would get people to tell her the most deep hidden stories.

She even got me to tell her the story about how I lost my virginity which was probably the worst story I had to tell.

"I thought you were a virgin." she had said. "I mean, virginity is a social construction anyway but — you know, I just never thought you would have already…" she trailed off.

I remember smiling and nodding understanding what she meant. In so many ways I was still a virgin. For once, I never intended for it to happen, but somehow because it was senior year prom it was expected and I didn't have the courage to say I didn't want to. Back then I was trying the whole being really social thing. I had a group of friends who I didn't really like but left me not other alternative than to be around them. After doing it I came to realize I was absolutely not ready for it and that's how my first time became my last one.

Alice was kind of horrified when I told her that. Brought all the subject of rape and what a bastard the guy Mike Newton was.

"I mean, I never really stopped him… and part of me was really curious to know what was the big deal so it wasn't really like that." I reassured her.

I never talked to Mike again after that night, not in high school at least. We did run into each other the next year. It was near Christmas and I had decided to go and spend winter break with my dad. I had stopped at a Walmart to buy some things for Christmas dinner before going to Forks when I spotted him. Me being… well, me, tried to hide in the cleaning supplies aisle which was pointless because he saw me and followed me there while I pretended to pick a sponge. He asked me how I was doing and what was I studying and I did the same out of politeness. Mike was studying business administration, he got into a long talk about it and the only thing I could do was nod and smile.

After that I said good bye and good luck and left. Aside from the fact that he was still a chatty person, I was a little shaken at the fact that he looked so different. I wouldn't be able to actually spot the difference but there was something he was lacking which had been replaced, he was more careless now, so _mature_ and I was still the same plain old Bella Swan.

I feared everyone in my class was the same as Mike.

You know when you think you're doing something weird but the feeling gets more soothing when you find out someone else is doing it as well? I wondered if there was someone else from my class who could feel the same way I was feeling, if I was alone in all of this.

I was afraid that maybe if I run into Mike again, he would be even more changed and I would still be the same girl he lost his virginity with.

It hit me that, that was the reason I wanted to work.

That's why I wanted to get a job. I was beginning to think that, just like Alice, I wanted _something_ new as well. I had always been so keen about my new start each year under different circumstances but I never really started nothing.

I wanted something. And maybe my thing didn't come in form of a cute guy dressed in a Hawaiian shirt but in a new life opportunity, a change, a new job hopefully.

Whatever it was, I was waiting for it eagerly.

* * *

Okaaaaay. So guys, quick reminder: _**I'm not a native english speaker**_ or writer or anything. This is my first fic ever and possibly my first fiction piece in english. So please, please, please be patient with me. I'm not trying to be professional or something like that, I think that's the reason I decided to upload this in the first place.

thanks to everyone who left a review :)

comments? thoughts?

Comment what you think of Bella, I'm interested in reading your thoughts.


	4. Chapter 4

_Chapter 4: Spending time_

I had woken up feeling like shit.

Day after day I would wake up and feel as if a monster truck had run me over the whole night. I knew it had to do with the fact that I spent my nights in my truck going around, doing nothing.

 _I think I was going crazy._ Staying in that house alone bored the shit out of me so I would drive nowhere in particular, blasting music through the pickup speakers in the woods and hanging out in empty bars. I was starting to believe that maybe it was not the best idea coming here.

I needed to do something with my time. Emmett had tried to convince me to meet up with Esme and Carlisle three times already and I had no other excuse than "Pass." The _almighty_ brother kept trying to get me to make amends. I couldn't believe he still didn't understand the fact that I was trying to forget about them. Those conversations with him always ended up in arguments where I made a shitty comment and he stared at me disappointed but not really surprised about it.

My days had also resumed to play with Jacob on the playstation every time he was around and not working or with the guys from work, we usually played FIFA. He would always win and I would always toss the joystick which made him mad and made me laugh at how pathetically protective he was about it. Two minutes later we were starting another match.

Jasper would come to the house occasionally and hang out with us but he wouldn't be really there. He was usually on his phone which for me was weird as fuck because since I knew Jasper I had grown to believe he had sort of hippie beliefs against technology and consumerism. That brought me to the person who had him this way, that Alice girl.

I knew it was her because he had told me they were meeting for drinks on Saturday and wanted me to come with him since she was going to show up with her friend, the anxious looking chick who didn't want to let me go that fucking Friday night. My first instinct was obviously to tell him no. I didn't want to see these people again and I knew it was kind of hypocrite since I was literally doing nothing all day and night, wasting the money I had saved from Aro's little errands, but going out with these girls? Yeah, no, thanks.

I could just imagine having to deal with a banal topic of discussion and then having to find a way of keeping the conversation going with the bathroom girl so Jasper could do whatever the fuck he wanted to do with the other one.

My mind changed a little when Jake agreed to go. He said he didn't remember them so well because he was drunk as fuck that night but even for me – I still refused to go – there was curiosity in Jasper's interest in them, or in _one_ of them. So at the end of the week I decided to casually join in. We went in my pickup and Jasper grinned the whole way to the bar, he said he knew I was just bluffing about not going.

"You don't do shit all day might as well talk to some pretty ladies." And as soon as he said that I wanted to get out of the car and leave.

The bar Jasper had picked was over Seattle so it was crowded, even though at simple sight it was just an ordinary place with old tables and boxes on the side. I thought that if all these people were gone it would actually be a really depressing place to go. Kind of like all the places I had been going to lately.

We started by ordering some beers while waiting. Jake and I sat on one side of the box while Jasper sat on the other. While these two girls arrived Jacob told us about the one he had screwed at the party.

Then they talked about Emmett's fascination with — who I had recently learned it was — his bosses' girlfriend. I didn't say anything because I hadn't meet her but after listening to Jacob's description I definitely wanted to.

I felt like a dick for thinking that Emmett's life wasn't perfect after all. Leave it to him to have trouble with women.

The two girls showed up an hour later. Maybe after two weeks my mind had formed a weird characterization of both of them because, for me, the black haired girl had more spunky crazy looking hair and sort of cartoony eyes back then while the other one just looked pale, nervous, and in my mind kept exclaiming "welcome back!"

It wasn't like that at all. Alice did have black spunky hair, but her whole self was more of a classy sort of shit, like some fancy and sexy Harvard student. I couldn't picture her with Jazz at all and by trying to do it I had to contain a laugh. Bella's appearance was all the opposite. Next to her friend she looked rather childish. Still in some way, there was a vibe around them that didn't let me imagine these two girls apart. Like some sort of Siamese chicks that went everywhere together.

"Sorry for being late!" Alice's voice reminded me of bells and Disney movies. "Bella's old truck went out on the middle of the road so we had to call an Uber."

"I can't believe you made me leave my truck there." Bella mumbled. She didn't look like the girl from the party either. I had really not been paying attention that Friday.

"It's not like someone's going to steal it, Bella."

The brunette didn't answer and simply stared at the ground. After a few seconds both of them realized that they were still standing up. Alice was the first to move, she let herself fall gracefully on Jasper's side. I thought her friend was going to sit next to them but she stared at our direction and made a move towards us to sit down. Jacob moved his body so part of his shoulder was against the wall and I moved to the right as well as she slid down and said thank you.

"So you guys remember Edward and Jacob right?" Jazz asked them. Both of them stared at us and nodded. The brunette one didn't even look at my direction and I was instantly reminded of the way she kept talking to me that other day.

"What happened to your truck?" Jake asked Bella. She shrugged before looking at him.

"I think it was the battery but I'm not sure, we couldn't see much with the phone's lights." She explained. I focused my eyes on the glass bottle on my hands while spinning it slowly.

"Or maybe the fact that it was an old as hell truck?" Alice asked staring at her friend. Bella frowned.

"You drive a beetle, I don't think you should talk about old cars." she said back. Instead of replying, Alice just gave her a charismatic grin and suddenly stood up.

"I'm going to grab us something to drink, you want the same?" Alice asked her friend. Bella shook her head.

"No, just water. Thanks, Ali."

just water.

Jake and I shared a glance and looked back at Bella who was playing with her fingers. Who went to a bar and ordered _just water?_

The girl next to me kept quiet while her friend was gone. An awkward silence set upon the table. I sighed hoping this wouldn't be a long night. I had agreed to come here just for the simple fact that I had nothing to do with my time, but if everything was going to be awkward as fuck I would have rather stayed in my truck drinking and listening to music than sitting here in the middle.

Jake decided to talk again. He leaned forward so he could see Bella behind me and a smiled spread across his face. "You know," he started. This fucker was going to try and make a move on her. "I'm a mechanic. I can take you to your track later and we can check it if you want." He suggested playing innocent. I rolled my eyes.

Bella's eyes looked down to the table. She looked startled with Jake's _friendly_ suggestion.

After a seconds of remaining silent, her eyes trying not to look at Jake directly in the eyes I leaned in to her. "Or you can just tell him to fuck off."

Her big chocolate brown eyes stared at me for the first time with surprise and I shrugged. I was an asshole but I did know when people were not interested in what others were suggesting, I was actually an expert. Bella's gaze traveled to Jake who kept his smile up and nudged me with his shoulder for what I had said.

"Hum, that would be nice, thanks." She answered with a tender tone and I stared at her in disbelief. _She bought that?_

Thing is if Jake was really planning in taking Bella to her truck so he could check it and then do whatever the fuck he was thinking of doing we would all have to go. He and Jazz had come with me, and Alice and Bella… I had already forgotten how the fuck they managed to come here, what I was sure of, was that I was going to have to take them back because they didn't have a ride. _Great._

Alice came back with a bottle of water and a short glass with what looked like water with ice and leaves. A fucking mojito. She smiled shyly at Jazz and he smiled back. In his eyes, I noticed something I didn't know if I could identify and I wondered if it was there before or it was just the low light over us. I looked at the whole situation incredulously because I couldn't believe Jasper was actually interested in this girl.

It was not about Alice. She was hot which was all I could say about her because I didn't know her but one look and you could see she was clearly not the type of person who dated guys like Jasper and Jazz was not the type of guy to date — no one actually, but specially Alice's kind.

It felt so weird to be thinking about those things. In all the years I had known Jazz I never cared or payed attention to who he was with. I didn't even _know_ who he was with, he could be fucking guys for all I knew. This was the first time I did this type of thing. Maybe that's why it was strange. I was witnessing something we never really talked about. Something that should be normal for friends to witness but I didn't feel like that.

It was as if I didn't know who was sitting in front of me, and I knew I was the one to blame. I never listened or cared. The fact that he was around was enough. And when I was gone, I wouldn't call. Though they still saw me as their friend I felt out of place, like that wasn't my role anymore.

Ironically, my realization didn't make me want to stick around and experience what friends experienced, it made me want to get the fuck away from here. I felt like shit.

Was it the same with Jacob? Did I care about his life and who he was with or where he worked, or any other shitty detail you're supposed to know from your best friends?

I thought of Bella and Alice. Did they know a lot of stuff about each other? I mean, women were different I guess. It was as if they had the need to tell each other everything. I knew because high school had been a great educator in that aspect. Thinking of them and how they had interacted with each other in the short amount of time I had been around them made me think that these two girls, specifically, might even know when the other was going to say something and what, like some psychic twins type of thing. The way Alice stared at Bella when she wasn't looking, sort of like checking she was okay or something. I noticed Bella did it too. How Alice asked her if she wanted to drink the same, there was a sort of invisible strand that seem to be connecting both of them.

 _Wow, I was getting really fucking deep._

I blamed boredom.

I tried to pay attention to the conversation they were having, it was about a play. Apparently the short hair girl was studying to be a costume designer. That's all I could get from her quick and musical way of speaking. I had no idea such career existed. Bella would throw some comment here and there but it was as if it was just directed to Alice. She asked things rhetorically or to refresh the memory. Things that she knew already. I began thinking she was doing it just for the sake of not coming out as completely timid since she didn't say much.

It felt like millions of hours had passed since we arrived when I asked her if she could move so I could go to the bathroom. While I was there I checked my phone even though it was pointless. No one except Emmett, Jacob and Jasper had this number, it was probably the habit. I would usually get texts from Felix and others at the most unexpected times.

After washing my hands I went directly to the bar in need of a beer. I was already tired and I wanted to go home. I glanced back to the box where they were all laughing loudly making me realize we would probably be here a million hours more.

I looked at the bar and saw Bella. I hadn't notice she was missing from the table. Paying more attention to her I noticed she was wearing a dark dress and some light black tights that blended the blackness with the color of her skin. She had some pretty legs, I'd give her that. She also still had her cardigan on even though it was kind of warm in here. I could see her tapping her fingers on the wooden counter anxiously. I thought about sitting down and forgetting the beer, I didn't want another episode of what is this chick going to say next, however my body rejected that option I slowly began walking towards the counter. The place was kind of crowded but I managed to place myself next to her, my chest almost touching her right shoulder.

"What do you want?" I asked her. She hadn't realize I was next to her and my sudden words made her jump to the left and bump into someone who didn't seem to care since they didn't turn around.

"What?" She asked confused, slightly tilting her head.

I motioned with my head to the front where I could see all the bottles over the back on the wall, one over the other. "To drink, did you ordered?" I asked again trying not to sound tired or exasperated. She shook her head quickly.

"Oh…no. I'm trying to get the bartender to come this way but he doesn't hear me." She said looking back at the guy who was behind the counter on the other side talking to some people. I leaned forward crushing my ribs with the wood.

"Hey" I shouted. The sound of conversations and laughters muffled my loudness but not enough for him to hear me and walk over.

"A beer and a…" I looked at Bella. She hadn't tell me what she wanted to drink — _even though it was the first thing I had asked…_

"A bottle of water" she said smiling politely to the guy. He nodded and turned around. After a moment of silence I noticed she glanced my way and then back to the front.

"So, how are you adapting here?" She asked. I stared at her taken aback by the question. She had a curious expression, the corner of her lips slightly curved and her eyes looked warm. It was really easy to get lost in them and I had to remind myself to stop staring.

"Good, hum — okay I guess." I said unsure of what to really answer. Olympia was alright, it was me who was going crazy not knowing what to do. Who would have thought I wouldn't like being a lazy fucker?

"Cool, that's good." She said quietly turning back just in time to grab the bottle the bartender had left in front of us. She gave her the money for the bottle and I gave him the money for mine.

That was the last time I talked to her. When we made our way back to the box, she sat down in the middle. She went back to her quiet self and I did the same. Sometimes Jake would get her to talk and they would start a conversation, mostly about her dead truck in the middle of the road. To Jake's disadvantage, Bella didn't seem to want to talk so much. She replied with short answers and kept looking at Alice and Jasper trying to listen to what they were talking about.

Around one in the morning we decided to leave. As I expected, Jasper told Alice that we could take them back to their place. We were all walking to my pickup when Jake asked Bella if she wanted to stop by her car to take a look at it but she was tired and asked him if they could do it tomorrow. I wondered if he was honestly interested in a possibly new client or this was about to become a double date and I was going to be the fucking fifth wheel.

Once we dropped them off at some modern building in Olympia we drove back.

"You crushing?" I asked Jasper giving him a quick look. He nodded and I took the road back to Jake's house.

He had told me once that he was sharing an apartment with a friend of him over town but since his roommate had gotten himself a girlfriend he would accept any excuse to get out of the place at night.

"Hey these two chicks — they're pretty cool." Jake said from behind suddenly. What he meant was "I want nail the brunette." I didn't answer but Jazz laughed and agreed. I guess if I was right and Jacob wanted something with Bella then I wouldn't have to show up to these fucking things anymore.

I hoped so.

— + —

Emmett's suggestions to see _his_ parents sort of made me paranoid about running into them, even though they lived in Tacoma.

I would be driving around Olympia or Seattle and looking around trying to see if I spotted them, in a sort of twisted game my mind was playing. I didn't want to see them but I still stretched my neck to see if that woman with the sand colored hair was Esme or if that blond guy wearing a white coat was Carlisle. I mean, I knew it was impossible. Emmett had told me he worked in a local clinic back in Tacoma but I still needed to check if it was or was not him, even if it didn't make sense.

I decided that if I was going to look for something to do while I was staying here, it would be in Olympia. Both of them didn't have any business here so it would be safe.

I was still unsure of what to do. Finding a job when I technically had one already didn't make sense to me. I could always call Felix or Demetri and ask them if they needed something done in this area but the idea of talking to them again made me retain the suggestion in the back of the head for when I would be ready and well rested to deal with them again.

"They're needing some guys in the construction I'm in at the moment… if you are into that kind of stuff." Commented Emmett when we were hanging out at Jake's house. I wasn't into constructing shit at all but I told him I would think about it.

For my disadvantage there were not many things to do in Olympia. Everything was quiet as fuck and a wind of infinite stillness always crossed the area. Even the woods seemed to stay still. It drove me crazy and at the same time it calmed me profoundly. Because my mind was so used to running so fast I would remember that and look around and try to take it easy on everything.

That's exactly what I did the next days after going with Jasper and Jacob to see those girls. I relaxed and tried to block everything else. Esme and Carlisle could go fuck themselves, Aro could go fuck himself, everyone in my life really could go and do that. Well, probably not the people who I was currently living with.

That next week was a really serene week for me. I got shit drunk two days and spent the others trying to recuperate myself from what seemed to be the fucking longest hungover ever. I think it was Saturday night when I started feeling better again but I didn't even enjoyed it. That night my phone beeped letting me know I had gotten a text. I was watching some rerun of a random rugby game with Emmett and Jacob. I thought it was Jasper even though we never texted each other, it was weird enough he calling me but texting? That was out for us. Maybe his new chick had gotten him into the activity.

I pressed the button and the screen lighted up, an unknown number on the top and under it the words: _"I'm staying in Seattle for a couple of days give me a call- Tanya"_

* * *

So yeah... quick sorry! I'm in the middle of finals and preparing for a future trip so I might not be that active. I apology in advance if this or the future chapters are shorter!

what do you think? Did you expect Tanya? Personally I always hated when they include her because they do her so dirty. I wasn't going to put her on this but then I though what the hell, it could create really interesting scenarios... but who knows...

Question: Did your way of seeing the whole twilight saga changed since you last read it? I'll give you my answer in the next chapter after reading yours (if you leave any...)

 **Comment! I'm interested in reading your thoughts about the chapter and also your answer to my question :)**


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